Friday, October 30, 2009

Intro - Fed Up

So, I’m not sure if it is appropriate to say I’m a fat girl. Just using the word fat will get plenty of ire, from those who think big is beautiful and from those who wish to protect my delicate sensibilities from such nefarious and self deprecating commentary. But I’m definitely not a small girl, and so there is a problem.

The problem is I’m pissed. I’m pissed because I’m a size 14, barely. Some of the buttons on my size 14s are clinging desperately to their clasps for fear if they let go, they’ll never see each other again. But at a size 14, I’m a little too big for an average shop in the mall and a little too small to walk into a Lane Bryant without the sales lady making haste to come explain the store’s sizing chart to me.

I’m pissed because though I know I’m over weight and so does my doctor, I’m not over weight enough to qualify for gastric bypass, or any other “easy” fix. The average person can look at me and tell that I’m over weight, but they’d probably miss the guess on my exact gravity measurement by anywhere from twenty to thirty pounds.

I’m pissed because people much, much larger than I can have surgery or qualify for some other miracle diet that results in their being much, much smaller than I. Yet, I can’t even make use of the diet options offered at Wal-Mart with even a modicum of success.

I’m pissed because despite my desire to drop the weight, I can’t find the motivation to get on the treadmill or put down the Dr. Pepper. I know what I need to do. I’m almost an expert on the topic. I just haven’t done it. I’ve wanted to, for sure. There have been nights that I wanted to lose the weight so badly I shed tears over my frustration, but nothing has actually lead me down that path to weight loss success.

So that is where this blog comes in. This is my last ditch effort to get into those skinny jeans! I’m hoping that the public forum of the blog will help to either motivate or shame me into motion. If you choose to follow, be prepared. There will be cussing, self-deprecation and self-loathing to spare. But there will be battle cries of success and joyful elation also. I’m human, I know the range of my emotions, and I plan to bare them all here, for the world to see on this journey. Are you with me?